In Buenos Aires, the bus system operates under the philosophy of “eh, you wouldn’t understand; just take a cab.” Lonely Planet washes its hands of explication, and even if you know your bus stop, number, and route, there’s a 15% chance it will take you to your destination, and an 85% chance it will take you to La Boca where you will be stabbed.
If you’re lucky enough to travel by private bus, after a 15-minute welcome video which explains the concept and execution of seatbelts for those who have never seen seat nor belt, they play New Year’s Eve and Pirates of the Caribbean 4 until walking or death seems preferable.
To avoid buses entirely, when I daytripped to Colonia, Uruguay, I traveled by boat. Now, I’ve ridden boats before. I sailed through icebergs in Alaska, back when there were icebergs, and I’ve visited Staten Island four times, which makes me either rugged or insane. However, the Colonia Express was different. It was...bouncy.